What’s the worst lie you’ve ever told? Not the most dangerous, or the most evil, but just… the worst. The laziest, least effort-put-in, po-faced, lie with that kind of “holy sh*t are they seriously going with that?” quality? You know the kind of lie that four-year-olds tell with chocolate smeared faces. The kind of lie men tell after being caught with a homemade dildo rammed up to the hilt in their ass?
“Oh I swear I tripped and fell on that light bulb/billiard ball/ketchup bottle honey! I’m just the victim of a terrible cosmic joke!”
Well, US inmate Edwin Greco Wylie-Biggs has gone down in the history books for coming with a bad lie. One of THOSE lies. You see Edwin was caught in prison with a bag of drugs stuffed into his butthole. From what we know that’s pretty standard prison-fare. Apparently in prison there’s stuff going in butts all the time. We don’t know why there’s a butt obsession in men’s prisons, but it’s gotta be, like, 80% of the reason we don’t want to go there. Either way, Edwin was caught with drugs in his butt.
They weren’t his drugs.
It took the court five pages to dismiss this argument. They felt that there was sufficient evidence that the drugs definitely belonged to Edwin. That evidence? The drugs were found in his ass!
I mean, if someone had a gun in their purse you’d assume it was their gun, right? If someone had a TV in their house you’d assume it was their TV. Using that logic it feels fair to say that if an inanimate object is in your ass, it’s probably yours. And if it isn’t yours, why are you letting people use your ass like a high school locker?
God dammit Edwin, get some self-respect.
Anyway, the drugs were totally his. Because they were in his ass.