I get it, Pokémon has been around for 21 years and there are 802 little critters to catch. This is a lot. It’s natural that the creative thought process has stalled a little bit. Where we once had four majestic birds of prey based around great natural powers, we now have a sentient keychain. Pokémon have gotten stupid and there’s no denying it. Check out our top eight and let us know if we’ve missed any in the comments.
All credit to The Pokemon Company and Pokemon Wikia for images
It’s a low-powered crappy mushroom with a Poke ball style cap. When he evolves, he grows two more, smaller mushrooms as arm cannons… great. The Poke ball cap is designed to lure you in, then BAM – Foongus hits you with the poison gas and knocks you clean out. Terrifying.
This bad boy’s USP is his ‘very thick skin’. He can hide down under the mud and nothing can squish him – not even a sumo wrestler. This is explicitly specified by Pokémon for some reason I don’t understand. He’s that boring he doesn’t even evolve, but he does smile when he electrocutes you. The little sociopath.
Literally just a scoop of ice cream in a cone. He’s cute though ain’t he. His final form is two scoops of ice cream, but they’re the same flavour which is a rookie error. Vanillite uses his icy breathe to make snow fall from the sky rather than straight up freeze his enemies. This is boring.
This is goddamn trash and 75% of Luvdisc’s are female which bothers me. Apparently when two kiss, they turn into a set of wings and can fly. What the actual shit. It’s flat like a disc, and it’s shaped like a heart. It’s Luvdisc.
The beautiful simplicity of this one. It’s mechanical gears and they’re interlocking, sad and confused. They look like they get kicked around by their heartless trainer. The final form is called Klinklang which I have a lot of time for. It’s like they knew this was beyond parody and just grabbed it and ran with it.
This disembodied Tom Selleck looking mofo is hilarious. It’s clearly based on an Easter Island head but the moustache is kind of out of left field, as is the fact the nose is magnetic. Why not I guess? I think he smells like brandy and cigars and I’m into it.
He’s a full, dark green rubbish bag. The handles are his ears. His teeth are broken glass. His arms are leaking trash. Kill him, please. When he evolves into Garbodor all the trash leaks out of his body and he turns into a huge monster with just some torn bag remnants for a face. Please recycle, everyone.
This is an official description. ‘Klefki, the Key Ring Pokémon. Klefki loves to collect keys and will confront opponents with a fierce jingle of their collection.’ A fierce jingle. Of the keys it has collected. The Key Ring Pokémon. We have strayed too far from God’s light.