Edward Smith is a car-fanatic from Washington in the US. Like a lot of men his age he has a hobby of buying, collecting and just generally loving cars. We all have mates who love cars too, but we can promise you that Edward Smith loves them more. Oh yes. You might think we’re wrong. You might think that you love cars even more or that one friend of yours is even more of a car-nut than this guy. Well, without ever meeting you or your friends we can confidently say you’re wrong.
Edward Smith loves cars more than you.
How do we know this? Well, we’ll let Edward explain it in the following picture.
Yeah… so unless you’re buddy sticks his d*ck in exhaust pipes he doesn’t love cars more than Edward. This (we assume, lonely) man claims he is a mechanophiliac and is sexually attracted to neither men nor women, but instead feels an intense sexual desire to get intimate with cars. His current… err, girlfriend, is a white VW Beetle called “Vanilla” but he also spends time with a 1973 Opal GT and a 1993 Ford Ranger Splash both named Cinnamon and Ginger respectively. Before Vanilla there was also his five-year relationship with a different VW Beetle called Victoria.
Also, he’s had a lot of one night stands with other people’s cars from showrooms so uh, I guess there’s someone out there with a car that’s been boned by this guy and they don’t know it. Which is kinda creepy.
Edward has explained his feelings with an endearing candidness in recent years, telling reporters,
“I just loved cute cars right from the beginning, but over the years it got stronger once I got into my teenage years and was my first having sexual urges. When I turned 13 and the famous Corvette Stingray came about, that car was pure sex and just an incredible machine. I wanted it. I didn't fully understand it myself except that I know I'm not hurting anyone and I do not intend to. There are moments way out in the middle of nowhere when I see a little car parked and I swear it needs loving. There have been certain cars that attracted me and I would wait until night time, creep up to them and just hug and kiss them. As far as women go, they never really interested me much. And I'm not gay.”
Not only that but he is now part of a 500 strong community of like-minded men!
So there’s more of them… quite a few more.