Out of all the things to put your penis in, people keep making the critical error of choosing things harder than your penis. Barbells, shampoo bottles, park benches (you know the little holes they stick the umbrellas in), toasters, welding nuts, vacuums, bus stops, metal pipes, the little holes in the duct-tape rolls, and of course, the holes that filter water in a swimming pool… all of these are real honest-to-God examples and they are just the tip *giggles* of the iceberg. For some reason men keep looking at objects that are very very hard and which can’t be a) easily removed by hand should they become stuck and b) don’t look bloody comfortable, and then they try to bang them.
A pair of scissors was also stuck to his penis when the man tried to cut the ring open, the New Straits Times reported. https://t.co/TXSFWbEesI— JOE (@officialAffif) 28 February 2018
And yet now we have this man who enters the stuck-penis hall of fame: a 45-year-old from Borneo who was rushed to the hospital with a metal ring studiously fastened around the base of his d*ck along with a pair of scissors wedged in between the ring and his own flesh. How did the scissors get there?
He thought they could cut the ring. I’ve never encountered scissors that could cut a wedding band in two, but I suppose this man’s lack of
foreskin foresight was punished by God when the scissors became wedged and he couldn’t remove them without, presumably, taking a strip of his d*ck with them.
Thankfully at this stage he made the first good decision of the day and rang medical professionals to come help him before the blood flow stopped and his willy was lost forever.
With the help of a “special saw” (ouch that made me cross my legs) the ring and scissors were safely removed. Medical professionals took great care to keep his sensitive areas safe and the man can now count himself lucky because no permanent harm was caused (well unless you count the social harm caused by him being in the bloody papers with his tinky-winky stuck in a ring). Strangely enough the procedure took only 25 minutes, and one of the first responders told reporters,
“The man is reported to be in stable condition and being monitored by the hospital’s medical team.”
I suspect they’re monitoring him to make sure he doesn’t try shagging the electrical sockets and wind up causing a blackout.