A Sheffield man has been taken to hospital after slicing his toe off in Wilkinsons and starting to eat it.
The man is said to have walked into the bargain home store, grabbed the nearest pair of bolt-cutters and set to work dismantling the structure of his own foot for a cheeky midday snack. Eye witnesses are on record saying he seemed like he knew exactly what he had entered the shop for and headed straight for the electrical aisle. The police issued a statement explaining "There are not believed to be any other parties involved. The incident is not being investigated as a crime" - which is reassuring but we're hoping they didn't just put the bolt-cutters back after a power wash.
'Auto-cannibalism' is the word for.. unsurprisingly.. eating yourself, and cases are fairly commonplace in the animal world. Dogs, bears and even apes are frequently found to have chewed through skin, muscle, tendons and bone, but usually it's in an attempt to get out of a snare or trap set by wily hunters rather than for absolutely no goddamn reason at all. That being said, it's pretty trendy and LA at the moment to cook up your own placenta after delivering your baby, or even getting it powdered and turned into little capsules of your own insides for you to take as pills. The obvious benefit of this method is that it'll last you much longer than one big roasted placenta meal, just a helpful tip for all of you.