Doritos have figured out a solution for a problem that doesn’t exist
Doritos owner company, PepsiCo, have announced plans for a new version of the chips made specifically for women. Great. It’s February so believe it or not, this isn’t an April Fools prank. The “female-friendly” version of the tortilla snack will be specially designed to make less of a loud crunch noise when you pop them in your tiny feminine mouth and the bag will be a smaller, more portable ‘handbag size’. I can’t actually believe I’m typing this in 2018 but I’m serious guys – Doritos for girls is a thing.
Indra Nooyi, global chief executive at PepsiCo, gave a long and lengthy explanation about the way women eat potato chips that will make you feel like you’ve fallen into an alien dimension.
“When you eat out of one of our single-serve bags — especially as you watch a lot of the young guys eat the chips, they love their Doritos, and they lick their fingers with great glee, and when they reach the bottom of the bag they pour the little broken pieces into their mouth, because they don’t want to lose that taste of the flavour, and the broken chips in the bottom. Women would love to do the same, but they don’t. They don’t like to crunch too loudly in public. And they don’t lick their fingers generously and they don’t like to pour the little broken pieces and the flavour into their mouth.”
Nooyi says these chips are coming our way sometime soon, and wouldn’t it be great if they launched in 2018 – the 100-year anniversary of women’s suffrage in the UK. It seems fitting. We can vote now, and we can chew our tiny potato slices in feminine ways that make all the chomping animals around us jealous.