Remember this meme from way-back when?
It’s gotten a little old now. Posting it is guaranteed to make some eyes roll. In fact, most people seem to agree that when you come across a bona fide "internet-badass" you’re better off ignoring them and moving on with your day. Snarky memes and witty retorts won’t make an impact on the terminally-oblivious and if they have literally zero self-awareness then what can the likes of us do to show them the error of their ways?
But, no one told the badasses that the world has moved on. They kept going, and going, and going… They’re still out there, you know? They’re still roaming the internet ready to put anyone foolish enough to disagree with them in their place. They know all the karate. They have all the guns. They work out way more than you. They will stand up for what’s right because only they have the sheer bicep power required to man the walls of our society.
Thankfully, we can still round them up once in a while and try not to die from laughter/sympathetic-embarrassment.
Enjoy the Cringe.
1. The Uber-Atheist
Let’s start off with a big one, shall we? This guy right here is ready to put God himself in his place and thank-God (or thank someone else, we guess?) because it turns out Lucifer was chill all along and God was just a self-righteous douche. Hell itself has been languishing in burning lava, horrific torture, and soul rending pain. And all those unfortunate souls with a pitchfork shoved in their rear end have been waiting, just waiting, for someone with the gumption needed to put God in his place. Now, if we could just work out who the Agony is…
2. Tool's (the band) Tool (the vocalist)
53 year old man throwing a temper tantrum? Check. Said tantrum was because of something pathetically stupid? Check. Reacted by alienating legitimate fans and consumers? Check. Desperate to maintain the manly image of wine? Check. Posts it online in a sad and desperate bid to have online strangers think he’s cool? Quintuple check. We can officially confirm that the vocalist of American prog-rock band Tool is, himself, a massive tool.
3. Anaesthesia? I don’t even know her!
This is a reasonably normal exchange between two people interested in getting tattoos. Shame it rapidly spirals into douchebaggery with the speed of a mullet-flick. Still, the image of some guy (probably wearing a trucker’s cap and denim cut-offs) lying on an operating table, while doctors hurriedly tinker with his ripped-open chest cavity, as he maintains a look of faint disinterest is hilarious. This post really begs the question, does he actually expect anyone to believe him?
Once again we have another exchange that goes from 0-60 in the span of a bicep-flexing second. Similar to above this begs the question, who the does he think he’s fooling? Maybe to understand the badass one must be a badass. Maybe this guy really has rigged his car with C4 while he waits, ever ready, with the self-destruct button just in case someone kills him for an unsatisfactory reason? I guess the only way to be safe is to give this guy a wide berth and avoid his wrathful explosives.
5. Blademaster on Youtube
This guy’s a walking armoury! If we have to be honest here at Digzoo we don’t understand half of these acronyms and abbreviations. We could look, but to delve deeper into the mind of this individual and his world would be an act of madness in itself. We’ll just leave him alone with his numerous knives and pistol-of-many-calibers.
6. Defender of Truth and Justice
Jim Jeffreys, a comedian, decided to make some jokes. But Bob over here is ready to put this guy in his place. Now, you may be wondering, “But Bob, Jim Jeffreys is a comedian and is therefore an obvious source of physical perfection. You must be mad to challenge him!” But Bob has us covered by outlining the sheer awe-inspiring dazzle-fest that is his body (225lbs!!!). Thank God he’s here to lay down the challenge and safe-guard us from people talking about things on a talk show.