Don’t panic! Don’t panic! Everything is not yet blown up. That’s good news for people who don’t want to die in a fiery wall of nuclear horror, which is most people. But still, the situation between North Korea and the US has spent the last few months on a knife edge. North Korea keeps throwing nukes into the sea, threatening the US with nukes, and testing nukes on their own soil (which can not be clever). In turn Trump keeps using Twitter to call Kim Jong Un a ‘rocket man’ (I’d love to be called ‘rocket man’) and also just generally chatting sh*t.
The most recent string of events occurred last week when Kim Jong Un, despite opening up talks with South Korea in a nice bit of diplomacy, decided to remind everyone that “a nuclear button is always on my desk” and “the entire United States is within range of our nuclear weapons.”
North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un just stated that the “Nuclear Button is on his desk at all times.” Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 3, 2018
He has a “bigger button” which, when said aloud, does not sound like a very good boast. We all know what he means of course, but it’s not exactly the “drop the mic” moment he thinks it is either. First off, the size of a button doesn’t really matter. Two, buttons are tiny so it makes it sound like he’s boasting about a tiny willy that’s larger than another man’s even tinier willy. Three, PLEASE DON’T JOKE ABOUT NUKES. That third one isn’t very specific to his boast but it’s still relevant.
Nukes can kill millions and cause centuries of environmental damage and the funny thing is that while these two d*cks tear into each other we all know it’s not gonna be their asses on the line, is it? No, it’s gonna be a bunch of hungry Koreans or surprised Americans who get burnt to a cinder by the nuclear holocaust while their respective leaders play Mario Odyssey in a luxury nuke-proof bunker somewhere in Greenland.