A 19-year-old man was recently detained by police in the German city of Darmstadt. He came to police attention for drunken behaviour which had resulted in numerous complaints from the public and led to him getting into a public altercation with another man.
During the arrest police noticed a “significant bulge” below the man’s waist. What would usually result in a person saying something along the lines of, “Oh man that’s gross” turned out to be much worse.
It was a trouser snake.
Not a penis.
An actual snake.
The man revealed he had a 14 inch (about 35cm) long baby king python hidden in his trousers. Police said it was unclear why he had hidden the snake in his clothing and were considering whether he had broken any animal welfare laws. We at DigZoo would like to call these police for their lack of imagination. It’s really super duper obvious why he had the snake.
It’s for the banter.
It’s obviously for the banter. He wanted to tell a girl he had a 14-inch trouser snake and when her response was something like, “I seriously doubt it” he could whip out an actual literal honest-to-God 14-inch trouser snake.
Personally, while we have to give the man credit for following through with a ploy like this, it strikes us as dangerous. If that python decided to attack his penis he would have had a very bad day. Pythons aren’t venomous but they do have teeth. Let’s look at those teeth.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Don’t put that down your trousers. Unless you want to pee like a hosepipe pointed at a spaghetti-strainer for the rest of your life then don't do it. Consider also the following, pythons like to crush things to death. So you’re also at risk of the python deciding to crush your tackle into a fleshy pulp! Unless you want to spend the rest of your life with genitals that have been absolutely destroyed then you should never put a snake down your pants.