A man with two previous DUI arrests was arrested for drunk driving (again) this week after he was pulled over in Florida and police noticed an open container of bourbon in the vehicle wrapped in a brown bag.
The man, named Earle Stevens Junior, also described himself as “feeling pretty good” and when asked by officers to provide his license, he revealed that he had never had one in Florida. Police also noticed that Earle smelled heavily of booze and when they asked him if he had been drinking and driving he offered up what might just be the dumbest excuse in the history of the world.
You see, he wasn’t drinking and driving. He was only sipping the whiskey when the vehicle was idling at stop signs or traffic signals. So, technically, he wasn’t drinking *and* driving.
Earle Stevens Jr., a 69-year-old Florida man who recently drove through Indiana River County, may have worst excuse ever for drunk driving. Read more: https://t.co/qCDWYjDZAt— KNCI Sacramento (@1051KNCI) July 12, 2018
“He further explained that he was not drinking while the car was moving and only when he stopped for stop signs and traffic signals,” the affidavit stated
Earle, we think you’ve missed the point. He even went so far to reveal that he had consumed a fair bit of the Jim Beam bourbon during his 30-mile drive.
Despite his, uh, “best” efforts, Earle didn’t convince the police. A quick intoxication test revealed that Earle—while certainly inventive when it came to excuses—was way, way, too drunk to drive. He was quickly booked and taken to a nearby jail where a breathalyser test revealed a blood alcohol level of 0.153.
If you’re curious, at around 0.15 BAC there’s around half a pint of whiskey flowing your veins. 0.08 is sufficient to make most people vomit. So, to put it simply, Earle was wasted.
Earle was first brought to the police’s attention that day when a woman called the police to complain about him. She stated that he had repeatedly struck her vehicle in the drive-thru of a McDonald’s while waiting behind her.
So, to play Sherlock Holmes here, Earle decided to drive 30 miles while drunk off his ass so he could fumble his way through a McDonald’s to feed a craving for junk food, only to then get pulled over and try to half-ass his way through the arrest by telling officers he only drank when the vehicle was stationary?
Damn Earle, you need to take a look at yourself.