Spiders are terrible. They’re all just the worst. First off, spiders don’t pay taxes. Second, no spider has ever been nice to a dog. Third, spiders are responsible for the iPhone X pricing. Yeah that’s right. They hate him. They hate America’s darling Rock. So next time you see a spider just bear that in mind. They’re evil. Pure evil.
One Californian man knows the deal. He spotted a wolf spider in his house and decided to take up the righteous flame and put that gangly multi-limbed mother f*cker back to whatever arachnid hell it crawled out of. In other words, he lit it on fire and he did so using a torch lighter.
But the spider, in its malicious final moments decided to run onto the man’s nearby mattress and set it on fire (there’s no way to confirm this, but the spider was probably screaming something like, “Stranger Things is over rated!” while doing so). Suddenly the mattress was aflame. The man, now joined by other residents of his apartment block, managed to put this fire out but it was too late! The flames had spread to the nearby curtains. Together the residents tried to hose this fire down with a garden hose but the effort was futile. The fire spread to a nearby closet.
$10,000 worth of damages later and the fire department put the blaze out before any human lives were lost. The apartment, however, has been lost and needs serious work to be made liveable again. So there we have it, one lone man standing up against the leathery invasion of a wolf spider only to have his home snatched away by the arachnid’s spiteful kamikaze attack.
Disgraceful. And it only confirms what I’ve been telling people for years. Spiders are pure evil. They will come into your home and switch off your freezer at the plug. They will rub your toothbrush all over their weird insect-y ass. And they will totally 100% hack your twitter account and use it to harass female celebrities with misogynistic jibes.