Gage Skidmore Jana Zills
Can you remember way back to the summer of 2016? When the world was a purer place - Pokemon Go was forcing us all out of our houses, the Rio Olympics were dominating our TV sets and Hiddleswift fever swept the nation. That’s right, for all of three months the unholy union of Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston was unavoidable to those of us with eyes, ears and an active Tumblr account. But we want to figure out once and for all if the whole thing was a big fat fake.
Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris had just put the brakes on (what seemed to be) a very genuine relationship. They were together for 15 months and things were pretty serious, then suddenly they split. Tom Hiddleston had achieved a respectable level of fame from his supporting roles in films like Thor and War Horse, and he was the perfect internet boyfriend. He was charming, handsome and unsullied. As the conspiracy says, Taylor wanted to show that she was absolutely fine now she was single and like, totally didn’t even care. Tom wanted that sweet sweet PR and ultimately, to be a big enough name that he could carry a franchise that rhymes with Shames Flond.
Evidence #1: The Rhode Island photos
What, you don’t have a set of accidental photos of you on the beach with your brand new boyfriend re-enacting the actual goddamn Notebook? So these were paparazzi photos of Taylor and Tom at her Rhode Island beach house property and they’re what first broke the news to us – two weeks after Taylor and Calvin Harris announced their split. They’re very good quality for what should be a long lens pap, and T squared look... posed to say the least. Maybe they called the paparazzi themselves so they could ‘control their narrative’. Maybe they were so in love they had to be touching constantly, and the power of the love made them oblivious to the paparazzi (who just happened to be there). At this stage I don’t even care and I just need to write the next part because the photo montage is making me feel queasy.
Evidence #2: That 4th of July Party
The queasiness continues. If you believe the story Tom has retroactively told, he cut himself slightly and wanted to cover it up with a top. The only one around was this ‘I love TS’ tank top, miraculously in his exact size even though it belonged to an unspecified friend of Taylors. It was a joke, Tom insists. It was funny, he cries. Please don’t let this lose me the Bond job. Yeah there’s not much to be said about this one other than it honestly doesn’t matter if this was staged or genuine because it’s gross either way.
There were more convenient sets of photos that I don’t have the stomach to include. Tom and Taylor going on a country walk with Tom’s family in Suffolk. More walks along the beach. Hugs with each other’s parents. Then nothing. August rolled around and we just... stopped... hearing about them. No more photos, no more headlines. Hiddleswift was no more, and we were left wondering what exactly had just happened. ‘Friends’ of both sides scrambled to say it was definitely their friend that was the dumper, because it’s vvv-shameful to be dumped. So what did happen?