Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?
Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.
Why did the old lady fall in the well.
Because she didn't see that well.
What is green, fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
Two fish are sitting in a tank. One fish looks to the other and goes,
"How do you drive this thing?"
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have little anty-bodies.
There are two muffins baking in an oven. The first muffin says, "Man, it sure is hot in here." The second muffin says,
"Holy shit, a talking muffin!"
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A Mexican magician tells his audience he will disappear on three. So he says,
"uno...dos..." POOF! He disappeared without a trace...